Monday, September 27, 2010


OK, I'm weirdly excited for it to be Monday, but oh well, lets embrace it. This is partly because as I got out of the T this morning there was a man dressed up as a cup of salad passing out flyers for a new lunch place. I love salad!

So I can't wait to tell you all about my weekend and surprise trip to TEXAS, which was super awesome, but it will have to wait because I want to upload pictures, and I haven't yet because yesterday I passed out at about 5 pm after eating an unholy amount of chips and dip and didn't really wake up (except to try to pry my eyes open to watch Sister Wives for about 6 minutes before falling asleep again) until it was time to get ready for work this morning.

I love getting a lot of sleep.

So anyway, as you may have noticed, my posts lately have been really cyclical. They go from "I'm excited to be alive!" to "what if I get a flood of rejection letters and I look like an idiot," to "wah wah I have high school regrets" to "Happy Monday everyone!"  Well - maybe this is normal, but I'm doing my best to balance out and not be so reactive to everything around me. This is hard for me, because I'm drama queen, but I'm working on it. I focus a lot on things in the past that I regret or am embarassed about, and I view them out of context (like, I was 15, etc) and of course, I never remember the moments where I was terrific and honorable.

Right now I'm pretty insecure because of the uncertainty of my future, where we'll live, if I'll get into a program, will we settle down in our next place, and so on. This makes me bring up all of the insecurities I've had in the past and basically obsess over them. I want to enjoy today, and each new moment, but its so much easier said than done. I want to be the laid-back, easy going type, but well, lets get real. Still, I'm going to give myself a little bit more of a break... and try to see each moment as new.

Last night I got a rejection letter, (since we were out of town I didn't get it until we got back,) and it wasn't  the least bit horrifically devastating. I would go as far to say it wasn't that bad. That program and I weren't a good match... its very academically oriented with less clinical emphasis, but I applied to cover my bases. And well, I would have been happy to go there, but I won't be. And as evidence suggests, I probably won't lose sleep over it.

Alright then, hope everyone else is having a great beginning of the week!

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