are you there baby jesus?

so I said in my last post that I'm applying to pediatric dental residencies like its no big thing - just a lot of paperwork and time... but its a pretty big deal in my life right now.

doing this is about 2 years in the making - debating back and forth if I should do it, the expense of applying, telling people about it, and then if I get in, we'll be moving... and maybe not to the most glamorous place. (hey, fine with me - at this point I'll sell my soul to whichever program will take me.)

its scary for a lot of reasons...what other people will think about me doing it for one. well - we don't care what other people think, right? yeah right. some people, even friends who probably don't want to feel this way - get some weird satisfaction of other people who try something and it doesn't work out. come on, we all know it, and we've all been that person. will people think I'm doing it for the money? because I'm not a good enough general dentist? well - the money IS good, and I'm not going to apologize for that, and there ARE days where I don't know if I'm a good dentist... but I think people who don't have those doubts are a-holes (sorry for the swear mom and grandma,) and unfortunately I won't be able to relate to them at happy hour.

anyway, I digress. I feel guilty for how expensive the application process is (did I really need to apply to so many schools?) and the time it takes while I'm at home writing cover letters and filling out applications each night.  

I also feel crazy apprehensive and fear rejection.

I just want to be a pediatric dentist - I have pretty big aspirations related to that but that's another story for another day. Can't somebody let me in? That would be just superb.

The residency coordinator at Indiana sent me the most courteous email so naturally now I love that program even more. Joey said if we move there we should probably get a farm, some blue heelers and maybe even a horse that we'll name Lightning. That would be so nice.
Today, (in other relatively unrelated news,) as I was getting on the train home after work I was thinking about how lucky I am that I have a husband that  has mentioned twice since being back from Belize that we should get horses someday because I loved them so much while we were there. He's pretty alright, that Joseph of mine.
Alright then, I'll draw this rambler to a close. Goodnight all, here's to waking up a little bit less neurotic tomorrow morning.